A Soft Answer Turneth Away Wrath

Dealing with conflict and confrontation is a daily occurrence as a law enforcement officer.  In fact, nearly every thing we do involves some sort of human conflict and/or confronting the people involved in it.

A few days ago we were dealing with a possible DUI driver in the parking lot of a convenience store.  All was going well until the father of the guy we were dealing with pulled up.  Now, you have to understand that this father is extremely volatile and almost universally hated here in our small town.  I've dealt with him before and he is always a problem.  He stood by for a few minutes and then must of done something that made one of the other deputies tell him to go in the store or get back in his truck.  I didn't see what he had done, but he suddenly erupted.

He began screaming obscenities at the deputy and causing a scene.... and then I reacted.  I didn't think, nor do I remember crossing the 20-30 feet separating us.  I was instantly in his face returning his wrath with my own.  Sometimes the problem is that we are not afraid of confrontation or fighting.

It turned into a shouting match - and one that I was not going to lose.  He became so angry that I thought he might literally explode.  I thought he might try to hit me... and part of me wished that he would.  It takes two to tango - and he had found a willing partner.  I was ready and wanting a fight.  I pointed my finger at his face and told him to "shut up".  

That further enraged him and he basically told me to back off and get my finger out of his face.  I replied that I wasn't moving and then pushed him right to the edge by saying "and what are you going to do about it?"

He turned away, muttered a comment about our department, and went into the store.  It was like two rabid dogs facing off against each other.  I had just bullied the town bully and I walked away rather happy with myself.

Later that day, in a more quiet setting, I felt the Spirit whisper, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)  It seemed the Lord wasn't very pleased with my behavior and didn't stop with the verse of scripture.  He then went on to remind me that I am certified as a "Peace Officer" by the State where I reside.  I wasn't feeling very happy with myself anymore.

There are a few things I want to point out, and hopefully learn from this experience.

#1.  His behavior was wrong.  He was acting disorderly in front of a business and causing alarm to everyone around, but I was out of line.  I never even tried the "soft answer" approach.  I immediately met wrath with wrath.  Now, maybe the soft answer wouldn't have worked.  I don't know.  I didn't bother trying it.  Another proverb for my line of work (which I also ignored) is "Speak softly and carry a big stick"

I had a duty to confront him, but I should have started with a soft answer rather than engaged him for battle.

#2.  Just because it's legal doesn't make it right.  I had the law, and the authority of the law, on my side.  He was acting disorderly and I could have lawfully arrested him and taken him to jail - which most likely would have resulted in a knock-down, drag-out fight.  I also knew that if he so much as touched me that he would then be guilty of assaulting a law enforcement officer.  I used that to my advantage.  I was acting under my authority, but I wasn't acting righteously.  It was legal, but it wasn't the right way to handle it.

#3.  I was unprofessional and acted contrary to my own personal warrior philosophy.  I let emotion cloud my judgement and my actions.  I let anger override my values such as:

"Those who are skilled in combat do not become angered, those who are skilled at winning do not become afraid.  Thus the wise win before they fight, while the ignorant fight to win." – Zhuge Liang

• "Those who are good at knighthood are not militaristic, those who are good at battle do not become angry, those who are good at prevailing over opponents do not get involved."  – Tao-te Ching 

• "A government should not mobilize an army out of anger, military leaders should not provoke war out of wrath.  Anger can revert to joy, wrath can revert to delight, but a nation destroyed cannot be restored to existence, and the dead cannot be restored to life." - Sun Tsu 

So in conclusion, it was a learning experience.  In saying that I handled it wrongly, I'm not saying that he was right.  We were both wrong.  I did have a duty to confront him - which I did... but I also have a duty to de-escalate and at least attempt at resolving the situation peacefully - which I did not.  This experience also reaffirmed to me the scriptures are more than just good ideas, they teach us how to actually live better... and our lives, and other people's lives, will be better when we actually apply God's words.

It's Easier to Be Who You Are... Rather Than Who You Are Not

Life isn't easy... but it's easier living as who you are rather than trying to be something or someone you are not.

Years ago (seems life a previous lifetime now) I was laying on the frozen ground on a clear, cold night in Germany.  I was part of an OPFOR (Opposing Force) team in a military exercise.  Our job was the play the part of the enemy force and we were about to infiltrate a security perimeter and destroy a command post.  The other element of our attack force wasn't quite in position yet so there I was; laying on the cold frozen ground, green paint smeared on my face with a M16 rifle in my hands and a few moments to do nothing.

I still distinctly remember looking up into the clear, dark sky filled with millions of brilliant stars and thinking, "there has got to be a better way of making a living than this".  I was cold, tired and the excitement of the job had long since worn off.  It was just another day at work.

A few years after that, I left the military to settle down and pursue a "normal" life.  I wanted to be a business man, have "weekends and holidays" off, and maybe have a few of the nicer things in life for me and my family.

I just turned 45 years old and was doing a bit of reflecting.  Looking at my life, I thought, "I'm right back where I didn't want to be." After a couple of failed attempts at business, I've come full circle and am right back living the life I tried to get away from.... but it feels right.  It's where I belong and it's what I was born to do.

Too often we look around, especially in a world of social media and instantaneous global communication, and see other people and wish our lives were more like what their's seems to be.  But living life as something you are not is like wearing clothes that just don't fit right.  When you look in the mirror, you may tell yourself you like the way they look, but they still don't fit right.  They don't feel good even if you like the way they look on the outside.

You have to be who you are in this world.  We tend to maximize the abilities and accomplishments of others and minimize our own.  We measure our value by other peoples' opinions, number of Facebook likes, and how many views we've had on Youtube.  

I like watching Lindsey Stirling on YouTube.  She is amazingly talented and millions of people watch her videos.  Her abilities almost seem unreal.  I'm most inspired by the fact that she's doing what she loves.  She's being who she is in this world, but most of us will never be known by millions of people.  The world will never know what most of us do  - and therefore it's easy to feel like what we do, and who we are, doesn't matter.

A few nights ago I was standing in a small group of cops from five different law enforcement agencies.  I had just received an approved search warrant to enter a home and arrest two violent kidnapping suspects.  We were making our plan for going into the house and I thought, "I'm supposed to be nervous and scared right now" (I was the first person going through the door)... but I wasn't scared.  It was just normal to me.  

A few minutes later we had both of our suspects in custody, without incident (nobody got shot so it didn't make the new!) and it was over.  

Over the last few months, I've come to see that I don't experience fear in the same way other people do.  I don't know why... I just don't.  Maybe it's my gift.

I believe we all have gifts that help us do what we were born to do.  Most of those gifts will never generate millions of views on YouTube or make us rich.  The world will most likely never know our names or who we are.  But the interesting thing, is that even the people who are famous sometimes look at those of us who are not famous and wish their lives could be more like ours!  Like I said before, we tend to minimize the importance of our own gifts and abilities and maximize those of others.  

I believe the whole point of life is discovering who you are and then doing it without wondering what you will get out of it.  You have something that will make someone else's life a little better.  And when you live life, as the person you were meant to be, it will feel right.  You will be happier and healthier.  God made just one of you.  There is no one else exactly like you - so we need you to be who you are.  I need to be who I am.  

Who you are may be different than those around you.  A lot of my feelings to be different than who I am come from my culture and core beliefs.  I believe in going to church every Sunday and trying to live a lifestyle conducive to family life.  The military and law enforcement doesn't "fit" that picture of life and I've always struggled with trying to make my life fit that perfect picture of what it's supposed to be like.  

When I first got into law enforcement I was in field training and had to ride with a more experienced officer.  I remember a Sunday when I had to leave church during Sunday School and go to work.  I went home, changed out of my suit and put on my uniform and guns.  I was sitting at our office, waiting for my trainer to come pick me up and turned on my handheld radio.  In the ten minutes I was waiting, calls came in for a kidnapping, a heart attack and a car crash.  I thought to myself, "wow, what would happen if everyone was sitting in sacrament meeting right now.  Who would go help these people?"  

Sometimes your life won't jive with those around you.  It won't be what you think it's supposed to be but maybe it's the life you're supposed to live.  God has given us the commandments to draw the line between right and wrong.  We don't have the luxury of breaking commandment and then saying, "this is just who I am.  I'm just living life they way I want to live it."  It doesn't work that way.  We must live within the boundaries of the commandments.

I believe God calls us to do things.  Many of these things seem (to us) small and unimportant, but we never know the extent of His works.  God's works are eternal, so what we do for Him has an eternal impact.  He has created each one of us as a unique son or daughter and we each have a purpose.

Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me. – Isaiah 6:8

A Miracle Rescue of a Baby Girl

The car was upside down in a river - and had been there for 14 hours.  Officers could see woman, who was dead, inside the car.  And then all four officers distinctly heard a voice...

"We were down on the car and a distinct voice says, 'Help me, help me,'" Dewitt recalled.

"It wasn't just something that was just in our heads. To me it was plain as day cause I remember hearing a voice," officer Tyler Beddoes said. "I think it was Dewitt who said, 'We're trying. We're trying our best to get in there.'

They turned the car over and found an 18 month old, baby girl inside... alive.

I believe in miracles.  I believe they happen every day.  Read the full story at, http://www.ksl.com/?sid=33747089&nid=148&title=rescuers-recall-distinct-voice-that-spurred-them-to-rescue-trapped-toddler&fm=home_page&s_cid=topstory

The American Man - An Endangered Species

In 1890, the U.S. Census Department officially proclaimed the American Frontier was closed.  Frederick Jackson Turner, a prominent historian of the time, was the first to question what this would mean to future generations.  What would happen to our boys?

In her book, The Last American Man, Elizabeth Gilbert expresses Turner's concerns by questioning, "Without the wilderness proving grounds, what would become of our boys?  Why, they might become effete, pampered, decadent.  Lord help us, they might become Europeans."

Over four generations later, those concerns seem to be validated each night in the news.  Working as a cop, I don't simply watch the news, I live it.  Like Elmer Keith said, "Hell, I was there."  Through my experiences, I'm coming to see a common denominator ripping apart the fabric of society; a lack of men.  Not a lack of males, mind you, but a lack of men.  There is a difference.

I do not set myself up as an authority on what it means to be a man.  I feel like I'm trying to figure that out each day of my life.  I came across this talk by Joe Ehrmann (the video above) and in 14 minutes he lays out the false concepts of manhood plaguing society and what we need to do to fix the problem.  I highly recommend watching the video.

As I said above, it seems like I'm continually seeing problems with young men, and men of all ages, expressing themselves through misconceived ideas of manhood.  The true ideals of manhood, like personal accountability, service to others and a cause greater than yourself, and protecting home and family have been lost.  American males have in fact become "effete, pampered, and decadent".

A 20 year old young man was recently being questioned regarding his involvement in a crime.  Detectives asked him about his life and what he wanted out of it.  He replied that he didn't want to work or go to school and "just wanted to play video games, have sex and smoke weed".

Because women seem to be replacing men in nearly every field of endeavor, society has come to question if men are even needed any more.  They ask this because society doesn't need "effete, pampered, and decadent" men.  Those type of men have no place in society because they have nothing to offer.  They are a parasite to society so as more and more males follow this path, society rightfully questions if they have any real place or role to fulfill.

This needs to change as we are reaching the tipping point (some days I think we have passed that tipping point) which will lead to the catastrophic collapse of society.  As males, we must recommit ourselves to rising up and being men.  What does that mean?

I think Ehrmann gives us a great starting point when he says masculinity is about relationships (who do we love and who do we allow to love us) and being dedicated to a cause.  We must teach it to our sons and other young men within our sphere of influence - and the only way to do this is by living it ourselves.  The problems young men are facing today come as a direct result of not having a positive example of manhood to follow.  In my job it's common to have a young man's bad behavior blamed on friends, the media, popular culture, and anything else anyone can dream up that doesn't involve parental responsibility - especially on the part of dad.... if dad is even present in the young man's life.

To many of us are MIA (Missing in Action) when it comes to raising our sons.  I include myself in this indictment as well.  It's time to step up, be men and build a strong generation of men to follow us.  We need to do this by rooting out our own false concepts of masculinity (the ball field, the bedroom, and the billfold, as mentioned by Ehrmann in the video) and replacing them with God's teachings on being a man.  The fabric of society is hanging by a thread.

Genesis 1:27 records, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."  God created men AND women, not men OR women.  He created both genders for a purpose - and it's time for males to fulfill that purpose by being men.