Life isn't easy... but it's easier living as who you are rather than trying to be something or someone you are not.
Years ago (seems life a previous lifetime now) I was laying on the frozen ground on a clear, cold night in Germany. I was part of an OPFOR (Opposing Force) team in a military exercise. Our job was the play the part of the enemy force and we were about to infiltrate a security perimeter and destroy a command post. The other element of our attack force wasn't quite in position yet so there I was; laying on the cold frozen ground, green paint smeared on my face with a M16 rifle in my hands and a few moments to do nothing.
I still distinctly remember looking up into the clear, dark sky filled with millions of brilliant stars and thinking, "there has got to be a better way of making a living than this". I was cold, tired and the excitement of the job had long since worn off. It was just another day at work.
A few years after that, I left the military to settle down and pursue a "normal" life. I wanted to be a business man, have "weekends and holidays" off, and maybe have a few of the nicer things in life for me and my family.
I just turned 45 years old and was doing a bit of reflecting. Looking at my life, I thought, "I'm right back where I didn't want to be." After a couple of failed attempts at business, I've come full circle and am right back living the life I tried to get away from.... but it feels right. It's where I belong and it's what I was born to do.
Too often we look around, especially in a world of social media and instantaneous global communication, and see other people and wish our lives were more like what their's seems to be. But living life as something you are not is like wearing clothes that just don't fit right. When you look in the mirror, you may tell yourself you like the way they look, but they still don't fit right. They don't feel good even if you like the way they look on the outside.
You have to be who you are in this world. We tend to maximize the abilities and accomplishments of others and minimize our own. We measure our value by other peoples' opinions, number of Facebook likes, and how many views we've had on Youtube.
I like watching Lindsey Stirling on YouTube. She is amazingly talented and millions of people watch her videos. Her abilities almost seem unreal. I'm most inspired by the fact that she's doing what she loves. She's being who she is in this world, but most of us will never be known by millions of people. The world will never know what most of us do - and therefore it's easy to feel like what we do, and who we are, doesn't matter.
A few nights ago I was standing in a small group of cops from five different law enforcement agencies. I had just received an approved search warrant to enter a home and arrest two violent kidnapping suspects. We were making our plan for going into the house and I thought, "I'm supposed to be nervous and scared right now" (I was the first person going through the door)... but I wasn't scared. It was just normal to me.
A few minutes later we had both of our suspects in custody, without incident (nobody got shot so it didn't make the new!) and it was over.
Over the last few months, I've come to see that I don't experience fear in the same way other people do. I don't know why... I just don't. Maybe it's my gift.
I believe we all have gifts that help us do what we were born to do. Most of those gifts will never generate millions of views on YouTube or make us rich. The world will most likely never know our names or who we are. But the interesting thing, is that even the people who are famous sometimes look at those of us who are not famous and wish their lives could be more like ours! Like I said before, we tend to minimize the importance of our own gifts and abilities and maximize those of others.
I believe the whole point of life is discovering who you are and then doing it without wondering what you will get out of it. You have something that will make someone else's life a little better. And when you live life, as the person you were meant to be, it will feel right. You will be happier and healthier. God made just one of you. There is no one else exactly like you - so we need you to be who you are. I need to be who I am.
Who you are may be different than those around you. A lot of my feelings to be different than who I am come from my culture and core beliefs. I believe in going to church every Sunday and trying to live a lifestyle conducive to family life. The military and law enforcement doesn't "fit" that picture of life and I've always struggled with trying to make my life fit that perfect picture of what it's supposed to be like.
When I first got into law enforcement I was in field training and had to ride with a more experienced officer. I remember a Sunday when I had to leave church during Sunday School and go to work. I went home, changed out of my suit and put on my uniform and guns. I was sitting at our office, waiting for my trainer to come pick me up and turned on my handheld radio. In the ten minutes I was waiting, calls came in for a kidnapping, a heart attack and a car crash. I thought to myself, "wow, what would happen if everyone was sitting in sacrament meeting right now. Who would go help these people?"
Sometimes your life won't jive with those around you. It won't be what you think it's supposed to be but maybe it's the life you're supposed to live. God has given us the commandments to draw the line between right and wrong. We don't have the luxury of breaking commandment and then saying, "this is just who I am. I'm just living life they way I want to live it." It doesn't work that way. We must live within the boundaries of the commandments.
I believe God calls us to do things. Many of these things seem (to us) small and unimportant, but we never know the extent of His works. God's works are eternal, so what we do for Him has an eternal impact. He has created each one of us as a unique son or daughter and we each have a purpose.
Also I heard the voice of the Lord,
saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send
me. – Isaiah 6:8
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