Dealing with conflict and confrontation is a daily occurrence as a law enforcement officer. In fact, nearly every thing we do involves some sort of human conflict and/or confronting the people involved in it.
A few days ago we were dealing with a possible DUI driver in the parking lot of a convenience store. All was going well until the father of the guy we were dealing with pulled up. Now, you have to understand that this father is extremely volatile and almost universally hated here in our small town. I've dealt with him before and he is always a problem. He stood by for a few minutes and then must of done something that made one of the other deputies tell him to go in the store or get back in his truck. I didn't see what he had done, but he suddenly erupted.
He began screaming obscenities at the deputy and causing a scene.... and then I reacted. I didn't think, nor do I remember crossing the 20-30 feet separating us. I was instantly in his face returning his wrath with my own. Sometimes the problem is that we are not afraid of confrontation or fighting.
It turned into a shouting match - and one that I was not going to lose. He became so angry that I thought he might literally explode. I thought he might try to hit me... and part of me wished that he would. It takes two to tango - and he had found a willing partner. I was ready and wanting a fight. I pointed my finger at his face and told him to "shut up".
That further enraged him and he basically told me to back off and get my finger out of his face. I replied that I wasn't moving and then pushed him right to the edge by saying "and what are you going to do about it?"
He turned away, muttered a comment about our department, and went into the store. It was like two rabid dogs facing off against each other. I had just bullied the town bully and I walked away rather happy with myself.
Later that day, in a more quiet setting, I felt the Spirit whisper, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." (Proverbs 15:1) It seemed the Lord wasn't very pleased with my behavior and didn't stop with the verse of scripture. He then went on to remind me that I am certified as a "Peace Officer" by the State where I reside. I wasn't feeling very happy with myself anymore.
There are a few things I want to point out, and hopefully learn from this experience.
#1. His behavior was wrong. He was acting disorderly in front of a business and causing alarm to everyone around, but I was out of line. I never even tried the "soft answer" approach. I immediately met wrath with wrath. Now, maybe the soft answer wouldn't have worked. I don't know. I didn't bother trying it. Another proverb for my line of work (which I also ignored) is "Speak softly and carry a big stick"
I had a duty to confront him, but I should have started with a soft answer rather than engaged him for battle.
#2. Just because it's legal doesn't make it right. I had the law, and the authority of the law, on my side. He was acting disorderly and I could have lawfully arrested him and taken him to jail - which most likely would have resulted in a knock-down, drag-out fight. I also knew that if he so much as touched me that he would then be guilty of assaulting a law enforcement officer. I used that to my advantage. I was acting under my authority, but I wasn't acting righteously. It was legal, but it wasn't the right way to handle it.
#3. I was unprofessional and acted contrary to my own personal warrior philosophy. I let emotion cloud my judgement and my actions. I let anger override my values such as:
"Those who are skilled in combat do not become angered, those who are skilled at winning do not become afraid. Thus the wise win before they fight, while the ignorant fight to win." – Zhuge Liang
- "Those who are good at knighthood are not militaristic, those who are good at battle do not become angry, those who are good at prevailing over opponents do not get involved." – Tao-te Ching
- "A government should not mobilize an army out of anger, military leaders should not provoke war out of wrath. Anger can revert to joy, wrath can revert to delight, but a nation destroyed cannot be restored to existence, and the dead cannot be restored to life." - Sun Tsu
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